The Plunge

October 31st, 2014 was a big day for me.  It was the day we closed on our boat.  It also was, coincidentally, or maybe not so coincidentally, exactly 120 days before March 1st.  My job requires 120 notice, and Kim and I had set a March 2015 launch date.  So on that day we had to make a final decision. On that day there was no going back.  We signed the boat papers to close on the boat, and I turned in my notice to my job.  It should have been a day of excitement, of great celebration.  Instead, I found myself gripped by fear and doubt.  Was I doing the right thing? Had i just lost my mind? How am I going to be able to support my family?  Maybe I had just thought I had been being led to do this and it was just self-delusion.  My faith was tested, even more so because on this day all I could hear were the fear voices in my head, and God seemed so quiet.  I had to remember that I had felt led, and just keep putting one step in front of the other, knowing that courage is taking those steps when your feet are shaking in your boots.   And the fear didn’t have anything to do with the boat, or sailing, or storms, or pirates, or any other fun exotic new thing I could be afraid of.  It was just the same old basic human fear of change; fear of leaving behind the safe and familiar and stepping into the unknown, and still trusting that it will be okay.   So on this day I signed the papers and wrote the email, closed my eyes, gritted my teeth, pressed send, and then spent the rest of day crying.   I found this great cartoon by www.zenpencils.com

I’m praying for a soft landing, a bed of feathers would be perfect.